MOMS Canada is honoured to feature Naomi Holland founder of Redeemed with Purpose on our Blog!
Here are her top tips including “Do’s and Don’ts” divided into age categories.
0 – 5 Years
“For babies and toddlers, there is NOTHING helpful, educational, or beneficial about screens, even though there is so much being marketed as education for babies. Young children learn in relationship with human beings, they do not learn from a device.” – Dr. Susan Linn
Top doctors say absolutely no screens under 2 years old. According to top medical experts, this age needs face-to-face interaction for healthy brain development.
As you know moms, once you start giving screens it is hard to take them back. Delay as long as possible!
If you choose to allow screens under 5, try to avoid interactive devices (touch screens). DVD/movies are best as it moves slower and is less addictive.
Classic cartoons or shows are much better than newer shows such as Cocomelon. New graphics/shows tend to be too fast and stimulating and can shorten your child’s attention span, while also giving them short bursts of dopamine that the brain cannot handle.
Don’t give screens in the car, while running errands, or when attending events such as sibling’s sports games. Allow your child to observe and interact with the world around them.
Beware of screen dependency!
“For every hour a day a child under 3 consumes media, they increase their risk of ADHD by the age of 7 by 10%.” (Dr. Carl Marci, Scrolling to Death Podcast)
Do give your child toys or even Tupperware! Recycle toys (putting some away for a while and bringing them back). Playdates are great, outside time is invaluable, take turns babysitting other kids to give moms a break, and ask for help! You cannot do this alone.
“During 0 – 5 years, the maximum amount of brain development occurs in a life time. What makes the brain function is the connections between neurons. These connections are formed by loving responsive relationships with adults. When babies cry and you respond, this builds circuitry in the brain. Think of it like a tennis game. Your child gives you hundreds of cues in a day (a serve) when you respond (return the serve), this it becomes the foundation for their brain to develop! The speed at which these neuro-connections are being built are 1 MILLION per second! This is why 0 – 5 is the worst time to put them in front of a screen. You don’t want screens shaping their brains for life.” – Dr. Madhu Rathore, @thescreenfreeparent
6 – 14 Years
Our youth are facing an unprecedented mental health epidemic. Across Western, English-speaking countries we have seen a “hockey stick rise” in depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide attempts, and suicide.
This rise began right around 2010 – 2011 the years most youth got Instagram and Snapchat. Studies show these powerful apps CAUSE depression and anxiety in youth, especially in girls. (The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt)
Do everything in your power to keep children off social media. Make it a family rule. Social media/Apps are highly addictive, and will feed your children with harmful content. Children can also be exposed to pornography, sexual content, drug dealers, and predators!
Find other ways for your kids to communicate with friends. It can be done. Check out https://www.waituntil8th.org/
Social scientists say the two most critical developmental stages for youth are when kids transition from elementary school to high school and when they move out of the house. There is SO MUCH going on hormonally and physiologically during these two big moves, they don’t need the added pressure from social media.
“The most dangerous place for a child right now is alone in their room with a smart device.” FBI Agent, Save the Kids Podcast
Find ways to get your kids together with other kids. I know it’s more work, it’s messy, inconvenient but social interaction is what they need to function in the real world someday.
IF they need a device, look at flip phones! They are coming back. They don’t need the internet.
BEFORE children start school and ride the school bus, start the conversations with them about what to do when they see images of a naked body on a device (sadly it’s not a matter of if it will happen, but when). Many children first see pornography on the school bus on another child’s device, or at recess. Prepare yourself and them for what to do. I recommend these books to help: https://www.defendyoungminds.com/books
Video Games. Today’s games are HIGHLY ADDICTIVE! Be careful parents. You will lose your children to the virtual world. Kids on the autism spectrum are most at risk.
Watch this powerful short video on how this family dealt with their autistic child’s gaming addiction: www.instagram.com/tv/CEAG7aAF1Rn/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
More info on gaming addiction here: https://gamequitters.com/
15+ Years
Ahhhh now the stakes are higher!
The adolescent brain is super curious, spontaneous, quick to act, slow to think, does not consider consequences, is fuelled by emotion, and does not have brakes (that’s the front part of the brain, which doesn’t finish developing until early-20s for girls, mid-20s for boys).
Video game companies, social media companies, and pornography companies know this about the teen brain and they create content to get them addicted. They know if they can hook them now, they may have loyal customers for life. That’s how these companies think. Below are my tips for helping teens have healthy tech habits:
1. You cannot expect healthy teen tech habits overnight if you haven’t been developing and modeling this during their childhood. The teen battle starts under 5. What role does tech play in your family? Is it at the centre? Do you role model healthy living? Do you encourage your kids to be active and adventurous? Delay smart devices until high school, no social media until 16. Pursue adventure, time together, meals around the table, and screen-free activities.
2. Is your child ready for a device? Are they responsible with their chores? Do they demonstrate self-control? Do they talk to you when they have a problem? Can they focus on a task, and get homework done?
Now, if you choose to give a device, consider saying, “This is mine. I own it, I pay the bills, you can use it while you live in my house, but it goes in my room every night”. If you don’t have a good relationship, this will be hard to establish. Focus on your relationship. Pursue your teen. Be available.
3. No screens in the bedroom ever. Especially at night. Fight for sleep. Sleep deprivation looks like depression and ADHD. Teens make bad decisions at night. Most suicides due to sextortion, bullying, or ordering drugs on Snapchat (laced with fentanyl) happen at night.
Keep phones/devices in open spaces with the sound on.
4. Know what they are on. Have their passwords. Check their phone randomly. Read their chats, ask questions, talk openly and regularly. Track their moods, if something is off, don’t let it go. Pursue them. Talk to them. Don’t freak out. Encourage them to always tell you everything. Turn off all chats with strangers on games and apps where possible.
5. Great app & game review here: www.protectyoungeyes.com/apps
6. How-To Guide on parent controls: www.protectyoungeyes.com/parental-controls-everydigital-device
7. Talk about pornography. What it is (violence against women, not intimacy, not sex), how it will hurt them (addictive, will desensitize them to violence), what to do when they see it, the dangers of clicking on it on social media (you will get fed more), what your family values are. If you aren’t sure how to have these talks check out www.parents.culturereframed.org.
8. No screens in the classroom or when doing homework. Studies show even if it’s in your pocket or bag at your feet it is highly distracting.
9. Encourage them to spend face-to-face time with real people. Go out of your way to find people they want to be with and make it happen, don’t let them become a recluse. This is the loneliest generation. They are losing social skills which is making the virtual world more appealing however, we are built for connections, and the virtual world will never love us back!
10. Tell your kids “BUT IF YOU DO…” they can come tell you anything and you promise NOT TO FREAK OUT! Practice your reaction when they tell you something horrific. You are going to take a deep breath and thank them for telling you. Tell them you admire their courage for coming to you. Then ask a lot of questions such as: “Tell me more, how did it make you feel, what do you think you should do, what do you need from me?”
Note from Naomi
Hi Friends! I am Naomi Holland, the owner and founder of Redeemed with Purpose – an ethical jewelry brand using its platform to raise funds and awareness to fight sexual exploitation and trafficking.
If you found this information helpful, please follow me on social media @redeemedwithpurpose or sign up for my newsletters at www.redeemedwithpurpose.com.
I am so passionate about these topics and would be happy to do a presentation at your school, group, or church in Alberta. I love speaking to any age about online safety. You can find more info on my website.
I know this journey is daunting parents, the earlier you give your kids access to the internet the earlier you must fight this battle. Delay is the way and if you need to, hit the pause button. Do some research (I have a resource list on my website), create a plan, and talk with your children. You could say something like:
“You know, I think I made a mistake, and because it is my job to keep you safe, I need to make some changes around your screen use.”
They don’t have to like it, they probably also don’t like vegetables, going to the dentist, school, or sleep either but we make them do it because it’s good for them.
Stick to your guns. You may need to do a full tech detox. Know that the longer you stick it out, their brains will rewire, and they will develop healthier habits!
You know what your kids need. You know if their personalities are changing, and they are becoming unpleasant. Fight to get your real kids back! I believe in you!
Hugs, Naomi
Note from MOMS Canada
In addition to the great resources Naomi highlighted, we have some recommendations as well:
Google Family Link – excellent FREE app to control screen time, set app and daily limits, and create a sleep (shutdown) schedule.
www.pluggedin.com – excellent FREE way to see if content is appropriate for movies, TV, music, games, books, YouTube, and more.
www.commonsensemedia.org – similar to Plugged In, however you get limited free checks per month.
MOMS Canada is continually working to update our resource page, including a section for online/digital safety. You can find that section here.
